The Hims and Hers I Let Dictate My Life

Thistle and Weeds

I quit playing guitar,

because the ease with which he moved his fingers up and down the fretboard was too much for me to bare.

I haven't touched my drums or my piano in months,

because I choked, thinking about his effortless rolls and trills.

I dropped gymnastics,

because they received more praise.

I gave up poetry,

because hers was more enthralling.

I faked an injury the day before the track competition,

because I couldn't bear to stand in shorts next to her.

I stopped trying for him,

because his eyes followed her regardless.

I no longer told her about my problems,

because hers always seemed so much worse

I stopped discussing with him,

because by comparison, my input was weak and irrelevant.

I almost stopped fucking,

because I couldn't do all the things the pixelated hims and hers could do.
I ceased being proud of my academic accomplishments,
When she so proudly flaunted her IL daughter.

I haven't finished my book,

because his published one mocks me.

I know it well.

There will always be someone better than me. 

But can't I be the best at something? Just one thing. Anything. 

Shouldn't I, too, have an area of expertise? 

Am I doomed to be jack of all and master (mistress?) of none?

Is this why I've been partial to obscure hobbies lately?
To eliminate competition?
Why am I living my life for others?
There are too many people in the world for me not to live in someone's shadow.

Am I just an unfortunate by-prduct of an overly competitive, individualistic society in which I fail because I cannot ignore the voices telling me to give up long enough to attain any sort of excellence?
It's hard to do things just for you in a world that constantly pins people one against the other.
Is the media at fault for this?
Is our school system partly responsible?
Does the problem lie in my frame of mind?
Can I let this go?
Can I be happy to excel at being me?

The hims and hers are just other people.
Maybe they feel the same.
Maybe we all do.
Maybe no one does.

Such are my thoughts for the night.
I need me some wine.