inside out

Common Knowledge

I'm really slim? Ya kidding?

Glad you noticed. I had no idea.

Yes, I'm aware. I'm thin. And though I've been transitioning from boyish to a little more womanly in the past year with the long awaited and much, much appreciated arrival of curves, I'm still really small. No, I don't starve myself. I have little bones, a tiny build, and a rocket metabolism. I have to eat twice as much as the average person just to keep the weight I've been struggling to gain.


Tall? I guess so. my lankiness makes me look even taller. In reality, I'm no more than perhaps an inch taller than the average woman. I never realized that because I always had short friends.

Awkward? definitely. Two equal parts body shape, one part stiffness, and about forty three attributed to social and personal lack of ease.

You know what though? After all these years, I looked at myself in the mirror and came to the greatest conclusion. Who cares.

I really am fully aware of the now-generic nature of "It's what's inside that counts". It doesn't seem to ring truth anymore. It's considered a cheap cliché, of no relevance because what's on the outside seems to matter so much more. But the reason I haven't altogether dismissed the saying is because my take on it is different. Your body, you may not be able to change. It might very well the the constant. The variable though, that's your mindset, your attitude, your drive, your heart, your passion, your aspirations, your goals. The way you feel about yourself has the power to change the entire equation. What's inside counts because when all else fails, it's the only thing you can count on.

There has been, for quite a while, an epic battle between this tense, stiff, clumsy and off-balance, overly hesitant, self-aware, introvert, ghostly, long-bodied walking-stick of an outer shell, and its compensation, a raging, sarcastic, overconfident, optimistic, intellectually narcissistic inner bitch. It's almost like one was created to suppress the overbearing other, though which of the two is remedial I do not know. I think I'll let the latter come out and play long enough to unleash her on the next person who asks me if I ever eat, before I merge her with the former in order to obtain a happy, certain and sure-footed, yet humble, wise and cautious medium.
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That picture's a huge step for me. Props to Justin for the shot. Took me everything to post it.